Top lotto jokes

  1. A man goes into the church every day, lights a candle and prays:

“Oh Lord, please help me win the lottery, not for my own sake, but for my children, they have no clothes, I have not paid the central heating bill, I am swamped in debts, give me a six, I beg you give me a six...”

One day, after he finished his prayer, he heard a quiet voice speaking:

“And you should help me too – submit a ticket!”

  1. A man calls his wife at work and says excitedly:

"I won a million in the lottery! Pack your bags!"

 "That's fantastic!" the wife exults. "Should I pack skis or bikinis?"

 "Everything," the husband answers. "I want you gone from my apartment by six PM."

                                                                                                                                             Suggested by Erkki Masing, Tartu, Estonia

  1. A man rushes into a bar, bashes a half-full plastic bag on a counter and asks for a double whiskey. He drinks it at once, bashes the bag again and orders another double whiskey. Then another. And another.

"Tough day?" the cordial bartender asks.
"Tough day?! Of course it is a tough day! Imagine that! I had a full hit in a Bingo lottery and my wife, that moron, throwed the ticket away by accident."
"That's a skulduggery! For doing that she should be beheaded!"
"And what do you think I have in this bag?"

                                                                                                                                             Suggested by Erkki Masing, Tartu, Estonia